My days and my moments

Brother,
  My life is so different. I'm not the same sister you left behind. I'm still her and still strong just a lil fractured now I guess you'd say.
I have learned to live a new way after you left and now I seem to have to find yet another new way.
It's not because your gone that this other new way is taking place. I think it's just a pile up of everything over the years.
If only you knew you weren't alone in your struggles of the heart mind and soul. I can dwell on that and get frustrated that you didn't reach out and speak up but it's ok cuz your safe now.
I still suffer with it but I have contol and won't let you or my family down.
Thanksgiving just passed and Christmas on its way. It's not the same without you but I  find my way. If you can't see us i hope I make you proud and if you can speak to God and ask him to give us strength and watch over Bri. If you can ever send me a sign your there please do.
I fucking love you more than you can ever know. I so hope you knew that here on earth but at least I think you know now.
I haven't spread your ashes yet but I will. You have to wait on me for that one.
I'll see you when he lets me my precious brother until then I'll remain strong and keep going. I love you.